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Script Reviews

Taken straight from the site, no editing.

WalkerMan

Review For The Healing Mist Script

Excellent

Welcome to FanStory. 

This is a creative and well-composed story script with likeable characters, plausible situations and dialog, and realistic settings. Something about it kept me from feeling the mist had evil intent, and I was pleased to find that I was right. Yes, an open mind and heart make all the difference. I expect Brianna will surprise the agent by renting the house. Nicely done, and aptly illustrated. 
Written: 06-May-2019

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24chas

Review For The Healing Mist Script

Excellent

This was a great read, Emily. It was very creative and engaging from the very first word. I could picture every action in my mind. Your dialogue was great as were the characters. Well done and good luck in the contest. 
Written: 05-May-2019

Testimonials: Text

Creative Writing Review

Willie P. Smith

Review For Yuletime in the Village

Excellent

I prefer a full rhyming poem, however; this post is very well written and places a picture in the readers mind of the greatest holiday ever. You have described it very well. 
Written: 03-May-2019

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Dolly'sPoems

Review For Yuletime in the Village

Excellent

It's odd reading a Christmas poem in spring time and this is a beautiful presentation, a natural and traditional celebration, I especially like the gingerbread and spiced cider, love Dolly x 
Written: 03-May-2019

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Jennie Phelps

Review For Yuletime in the Village

Excellent

This writing took my imagination immediately to a Norman Rockwell kind of Christmas in the country. You just really brought all that to life. Wonderful work!! 
Written: 03-May-2019

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moongirlwriter

Review For Yuletime in the Village

Excellent

Ya know, it's May. . .and I'm really not ready for Christmas. But, I must say you have painted a lovely picture with this poem. It's almost like a Dickens Christmas Carol. I can even feel the warm fire in that artwork. :)  The best of luck with this beautifully written Christmas sentiment. 
Written: 03-May-2019

Testimonials: Text

Review For The Scottish Festival Surprise 
Chapter 2 of the book My Short Stories

Excellent

Well, they do say sometimes you just feel a connection to someone immediately and love at first sight is real! What a sweet love story. I would have almost liked to see you add a paragraph in a kind of epilogue so the reader can be assured that the couple remains happy! Like two years or ten years later. 
The only thing I would suggest for improvement is to perhaps break this solid block of text into paragraphs with line breaks for ease of reading. Otherwise it's a delightful story. 
Jan 
Written: 22-May-2019

Review For The Scottish Festival Surprise 
Chapter 2 of the book My Short Stories

Good

Hi there, 

it may be an idea to insert some line breaks into your work. Leaving clear lines between paragraphs and for any dialogue can make for a cleaner write which is more easily followed on screen. Also, most folk just skip over large blocks of unbroken text. 

The first paragraph is very long and could probably do with being split up somewhat. 

Eleanor Morgan Dunwythe, a 30-something year old lady- it's normally best to spell out the number. 

The description of the woman in question could be done more organically, incorporating it into the movement and narrative of the piece rather than a big info dump right at the start.

The opening sentence is also very long and could do with being split up into two or maybe three. 

I think there is a lot of needless description throughout that first paragraph which bogs the opening down a bit. 

British food items such as vegemite, - vegemite isn't British, it's Australian. 

watch out for your adverb usage. These can expose a weakness in verb choice. 

, chips (french fries) - chips aren't really French fries. 

It takes quite a bit of time to get going and displays large amounts of showing. Some dialogue would also help to break up the narrative. The descriptive elements could be worked on a bit too to give more depth as a lot at present just sound like lists. 

Hope this is helpful 
GMG 
Written: 23-May-2019

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You replied on 23-May-2019 

I did that, when I put it on here, the formatting disappeared. - Edit Reply


You replied on 01-Jun-2019 

And yes, in the UK French fries are called Chips. Just as Potato chips are called Crisps And where do you think those peoples came from that inhabit Australia, they were the Prisoners from Britain. Marmite was imported to Australia where the inhabitants changed it to Vegemite. 

  

  

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